Everyone wants to feel like they are the only one you desire.
minus the drug dealing references, we all want someone who has our back and can feel like they are breaking it (sexually that is).
The topic of this video is “Dating in 2016 do you find it hard to do?” which gave rise to this blog post.
I was watching one of my regular YouTube channel personalities (Much Love from KY) latest videos.
She reminds me so much of one of my godmothers who passed years ago. She sounds like her, smokes cigarettes (like her) and was from KY (like her). Every time I watch the videos, I think of her and it makes me remember all the funny stuff she said to me when I was a kid.
This blog started going all over the place so… i decide to turn it into several parts. So this is the first one.
I thought about some of her questions and this is my response:
Dating today is like being on Survivor. You gotta outwit, outlast and outplay people if you want to be successful.
Now success is different for everyone. One woman’s (or man’s) success could be getting married. Another is having a baby by an athlete/rapper; another person’s version of success is being a kept side-chick. So, success is relative.
There are some people out here who think that if you meet them at Starbucks, if they pay for your latte, they expect at least a blow job for it.
God help you if they actually take you to Red Lobster or Outback Steakhouse, some of these clowns expect anal and a three-sum. On the flip side of that, some women have the mentality that if you want sex, you better feed me well and give me a good time before I get naked.
If you meet someone, girl/boy/trans/gender unspecific, don’t expect any type of sexual favors from them for your company. Period. Now if you are in the sex industry, then negotiate your payment up front, have at it, get your money and go home. Fair exchange is not robbery.
What is robbery (to me) is when you pretend to like someone (and you don’t) just for sex; when you pretend to want a relationship with someone (and you don’t)for sex or whatever you can get out of them; when you tell someone you love them and want to have a future with them (and you don’t). That is foul.
Unfortunately, too many people are not honest about what they want. Too many men and women pretend to be someone they are not, too many people are afraid to be alone, are lonely, are afraid of being lonely, afraid to be alone and childless (men/women/gender undecided) so they search for someone to ‘occupy’ their time so they don’t have to process their feelings.
Chris Rock said “Men are as faithful as their options”. Even if women came together and decided NOT to have entertain any man with a wife, girlfriend, fiancée, live-in or long term relationship, some heifer would go behind our backs and still sleep with a man (or several) just because she thinks well, why the fuck not. And there will be some man who will tell some woman he can do better than her man and soon enough, she will be bending over a couch somewhere, getting it in.
Now, as anyone reading my blog knows (or should); I advocate for everyone being honest and open about their sexuality. I also espouse everyone to be HONEST and OPEN to the people you get naked with. If you aren’t trying to have sex with everyone you date, tell them UP FRONT. Like within the first 30 minutes of the date or within the first couple of conversations. That way, they know you are not Sally Suck anybody’s dick or Dick Strong Pussy Eater Dirk. If they bolt, they did you a favor. If you have a 30/60/90 day rule, again, let them know IN ADVANCE. Don’t lead them to believe that you are going to put out when you are saving yourself for marriage. That’s cruddy and foul. If you are a man who doesn’t have sex with just anyone, say THAT upfront. Don’t let a woman start grinding on you and getting hot and bothered then say, oh yea, I’m saving myself for my wife.
Again, upfront and honest is the best approach.
If you have something that you can’t get rid of (like Herpes, Genital Warts, HIV) BE UPFRONT. People can date with STIS (Sexually Transmitted Infections) BUT you have to be HONEST about your status. I know there is someone reading this saying,
“I did that and I never heard from that person again”
Get counseling and other supportive services, see your doctor regularly and stay healthy, For yourself and those who love you.
Whatever you feel about your sexuality (conservative or swinging), just be honest and be honest with your partner about what you want, what you need, what you are willing to put up with and what you WILL NOT put up with.
Now if you are an honest, open, god-fearing, decent individual who has their stuff together and is mentally and emotionally healthy looking for the same.
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT
Seriously, I kid.
If you are emotionally and mentally healthy, stop trying to date people who are not. Stop entertaining people who Drama and foolishness lives with them on a daily basis? Stop entertaining men (and women and gender queer) people who are so fucked up that all the King’s Horses couldn’t put them back together?
Stop giving people the benefit of the doubt? If someone tells you that they are a college student but never study, well… it would be safe to say they probably are NOT a college student. If someone tells you that they live at X location with a ‘roommate’, and you never meet the roommate, something might be fishy with that situation. If someone tells you they like to keep their business “discrete” or “private”, keep moving. If someone tells you that they are separated, ask for their case number. If they don’t have a case number, they aren’t legally separated or divorced (which is the ONLY separation that counts, ask Faith Evans about that).
But this involves something a lot of people don’t do.
It’s an art and it it’s a skill.
Stop hearing what you want to hear and what someone is actually saying.
Stop reading trying to read between the lines.
Stop inferring what someone means.
Stop justifying their actions.
If someone saying they are calling you at 7pm and they call you three days later as if you just talked an hour ago. They are on some disrespectful shit. Check them right then and there. If the president can make a date night with the first lady, someone can return a call to you.
Stop tolerating disrespectful bullshit.
Now, by that same token, stop projecting your tired bullshit on other people. If every person you dated has cheated on you, lied to you, treated you like garbage. The common denominator is YOU. Get some professional therapy to help figure out why you keep attracting and entertaining those types of situations.
Stop allowing people to gaslight you!
Now, by that same token, stop projecting your tired bullshit on other people. If every person you dated has cheated on you, lied to you, treated you like garbage. The common denominator is YOU. Get some professional therapy to help figure out why you keep attracting and entertaining those types of situations. Stop allowing people to ‘gaslight’ you. My definition of Gas lighting is when a person you are interested in constantly says or does things to you and tries to lead you to believe that you are imagining things. If someone tells you they are childless then later mentions they have three kids, when you question them they are emphatic that they told you and you know they did not, that’s gaslighting. If you find the person that you are dating or getting to know keeps giving your inconsistent details about their life, they are probably hiding some very serious things and will not disclose them until they are sure you are ‘all in’ (aka in love) before disclosing the information. RUN and RUN fast.
Part two: next week
This month, I decided to write about relationships. The good, the bad, the not so bad and the absolutely awful and something to hope for. while no relationship is perfect, you have to find the one that is perfect for you.