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A penis isn’t a pacifier and a pussy isn’t a blanket

A penis isn’t a pacifier and a pussy isn’t a blanket Posted on May 23, 2016

I am a writer and educator. My passion is making things better than they were before I got there. I want a world where frank conversations about sex and sexuality are not minimized, avoided or just outright banned. I want have a world where women and men are treated equally. A world where no girl under age of 18 has a child unless SHE is fully capable of having one (mentally, emotionally, financially and physically). I want a world where boys under the age of 18 understand that using devaluing girls and young women for their own sexual pleasure not only degrades the person they are with but also themselves. I want a world where people stop having "Oops babies". I want a world where a women isn't disemboweled because she called out her ex's name during sex. I want a world where a woman doesn't lie about physical abuse as punishment in child custody cases. I want a world where a transwoman can walk in public with her partner and he's not ridiculed by his family, friends or society at large. I want a world where a man is viewed as being just as capable as raising a child as any woman. I want young people to learn how to make healthy life-affirming decisions regarding love, sex and romantic relationships for a lifetime, not just one time. I want a world where women and men don't come to the table in a relationship with their sex organs and think its the only thing of value they have to offer. I want a world where people view each other as individuals, not as potential victims. I want a world where healthy relationships are the rule, not the exception. I want a world where being kinky is perfectly okay. I want a world where you can go to your grandmother on advice for buying a new sex toy. Oh and I want to have a good time wherever I go!

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(AKA Why having no one in bed with you is better than the person coming over)

Long ago, a close friend and I were talking. After laughing and joking about our lives she turned to me and said:

“Sometimes you just want a dick in your mouth”

I laughed at the absurdity of a dick as a pacifier but I realized what she meant. It wasn’t about the ‘dude’ you were with, per se, but about ANY penis in your mouth, just to distract you from whatever what going in your life. Much like a baby with a pacifier, the pacifier isn’t because the baby’s hungry when you give it to him or her, it’s a distraction.

Think about it. How many times have you had sex to distract you from something else? How many times have you called up some person you knew not because you really wanted their companionship but their body parts? How many times have felt like the person you were with wasn’t really ‘into’ you?

You just might have been a pacifier for them.

Sounds kinda icky right?

Sounds as if you are being used for your body parts?

And you would probably be right.

I could say something like, “you should NEVER do something like that to anyone EVER!”

And I would be lying to you if I said I have never done it before.

We all have done it, (perhaps not the penis in mouth part) but the using someone to distract us from something going on in our life we didn’t want to face at the moment.

We also happen to forget two very important things:

First, the human being lying naked in your bed has feelings. Despite what they might say about not minding hanging out with us, having non-emotional, hot and heavy sex with us, they deserve more than being our physical dump site.

Second, whatever feelings or situation we are trying to avoid will be there when we are finished avoiding the real issue(s).

My advice (whether you like it or not) is this:

Face your fears.

Difficult as you think it is. It’s probably not going to be easy (facing your fears never is)

But

A phone full of booty-call guys or fall-back girls are human beings not pacifiers and blankets.

Read Offline:

I am a writer and educator. My passion is making things better than they were before I got there. I want a world where frank conversations about sex and sexuality are not minimized, avoided or just outright banned. I want have a world where women and men are treated equally. A world where no girl under age of 18 has a child unless SHE is fully capable of having one (mentally, emotionally, financially and physically). I want a world where boys under the age of 18 understand that using devaluing girls and young women for their own sexual pleasure not only degrades the person they are with but also themselves. I want a world where people stop having "Oops babies". I want a world where a women isn't disemboweled because she called out her ex's name during sex. I want a world where a woman doesn't lie about physical abuse as punishment in child custody cases. I want a world where a transwoman can walk in public with her partner and he's not ridiculed by his family, friends or society at large. I want a world where a man is viewed as being just as capable as raising a child as any woman. I want young people to learn how to make healthy life-affirming decisions regarding love, sex and romantic relationships for a lifetime, not just one time. I want a world where women and men don't come to the table in a relationship with their sex organs and think its the only thing of value they have to offer. I want a world where people view each other as individuals, not as potential victims. I want a world where healthy relationships are the rule, not the exception. I want a world where being kinky is perfectly okay. I want a world where you can go to your grandmother on advice for buying a new sex toy. Oh and I want to have a good time wherever I go!

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