Happy Valentine’s Day 2017

Today is about love. Those you love, those you loved and since left, and those who you just love from afar. No matter what your love status is, remember that someone loves you, even if they don’t tell you, you are loved.

Me wait for Santa on Christmas Eve

How I feel right now waiting for Santa to bring me my present

momma june
momma june dancing

Dear Santa, about Christmas

Dear Santa,

Before we get started, I understand that you are busy right now, like really, REALLY SUPER busy. I get that. But in all fairness, I haven’t asked for anything in a while

Like years.

So… in my defense, I think I SHOULD be able to ask for something this year.

Before we get started, I apologize for that “fat bastard” comment from a few years ago. I know it was uncalled for and I humbly apologize. I was a bit stressed out. I was really looking forward to Dave Batista under my tree that year. I’m in the Washington, DC area. He’s from the Washington, DC area. It wasn’t like it was going out your way. And when I didn’t get him…well, I admit I was a bit prissy about it. Okay, in all fairness, asking for the bow around his neck was a bit much, since he was supposed to be naked and I now realize that he would have had pine needles all in his ass.

But I digress.

As far as me being a “good girl”, good is fairly relative don’t you think?

I mean

I haven’t killed anyone (that I know of-but I wanted to and didn’t. I should get credit for that)

I haven’t slept with anyone’s husband (this year) that I know of (In my defense, he said he wasn’t married)

I have honored my mother. (Okay, but in all fairness on this one, she did laugh at the joke)

But you get my point.

So let’s just say I’ve done the bare minimum to receive a gift this year and call it even.

Now that we have the formalities out the way, I will give you options for this year.

I didn’t put up a tree as to not worry about naked bodies and pine needles.

Safety first

Mehcad Brooks

That’s what I want for Christmas.

I know, I know, what about Dave Batista?

Sue me.

You apparently didn’t think I needed him a few years ago and besides he’s busy right now with Guardians of the Galaxy sequel so I don’t think he’s available.

Mr. Brooks is probably busy also with Supergirl, but production has probably closed for Christmas/New Year vacation.

Now I realize this might be a bit much, again. See our discussion above regarding my being good girl.

I can’t promise I won’t be snarky, bitchy or even petty in 2017 but for a few hours in December, trust me, a sista will be just dandy should I wake up with a present like him lying across my couch.

So if Mehcad Brooks, isn’t available, I’m offering some suggestions:

Roman Reigns:
Yes, he’s on my pretend baby-daddy list (he’s actually #1) and I can’t imagine a nicer pacific-islander I’d like to ride like a wave runner. He has a daughter and he would probably rather spend his Christmas morning helping her open her presents under the tree than opening me.

Titus O’Neil
Pretend Baby-daddy #2. A very, very worthy substitute for both Mehcad Brooks and Roman Reigns. He also has children; so again, while I’m sure I could make his barking so worthwhile; He’s probably going to be sitting in his living room Christmas morning unwrapping presents.

Wade Barrett
He’s not on my pretend baby-daddy list but he can get it. He should be available since him and WWE parted ways. (Too bad about that) but he should be able to manage to spend more time with me than the two previous candidates.

Mike Colter

He’s a late entry onto the baby-daddy list but a welcome addition. Since I don’t have netflix and my brother won’t share his password,(ugh) I have to watch Luke Cage bootleg. He’s more than worth me getting my own netflix account. (and I will shortly)

I know that the height seems to be a theme the men have in common (along with nice bodies & wrestling) but I have these really great pair of high-heel wedge shoes I’m dying to wear so I can break them in on Christmas.

Win-win for everyone.

I am going to be very intentional in saying that I am quite positive that you will be able to make your delivery to my house THIS YEAR.

I will leave out some milk and cookies for you but you would probably prefer a bottle of Jack Daniels and a 6-pack of Corona for the rest of the night. Just try not to weave driving the sleigh, remember NORAD is clocking you. They tend to take their job seriously.

Best wishes and tell your wife I said hello,

Jinks

P.S. p.s. please note that I didn’t do a request for anyone to be naked. Sweatpants and a wife-beater will be sufficient.

Domestic Violence Month

Today is Halloween. It’s also the last day of October. It’s also the last day of Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Domestic Violence has always been a hard subject for me. My childhood was overshadowed by it. I have seen family and friends destroyed by it. I have put myself in harm’s way on more than one occasion to help a woman and her children leave a batter. Yes, they went back. Time and time again. I took it very personal until I realized that it wasn’t personal. She (and in one case he) was not going to leave until THEY decided to leave. Until that point, there was nothing I could do.

In my professional life, I encountered women who begged for help, only to turn on the same people who ran to her aid. It is soul-sucking work. I have nothing but praise for those who do this work on a daily basis.

I could say so much on all sides, including the victims and the perpetrators. So many times, those sitting on the sidelines can only watch and prepare for the fallout, when it comes. And it will come.
Like a ripple in a pond, domestic violence will resonate generations. It destroys individuals, families, communities, countries.

We all have to take a stand.

We have to challenge the perpetrators and the victims.

We have to tell perpetrators to stop using those they claim to love as their personal punching bag.

That was never love.

Perpetrators (in my experience) are insecure individuals. Scared, confused, sad people. They don’t know how to deal with themselves and their inner turmoil so they lash out at the world.

Victims are also insecure individuals. They seek out people to reinforce the negative beliefs they have and feel about themselves.

Like seeks like.

It’s a vicious cycle.

I’m sure someone reading this will blow up about my simplistic view of domestic violence.

While my view may seem simplistic, it’s not.

Abusers seek out victims

Victims attract abusers

Abusers view themselves as victims

Victims believe themselves to be saviors of the misunderstood, unlovable, the unappreciated.

An “us against the world” mindset

The problem is the other person, other friends, other family members, the job, friends, the landlord, the boss, the grocery store clerk, the passing car, the TV anchor, the preacher, teacher, child, anyone else, and everyone else.

If you did what I told you to do, I wouldn’t have to hit you.

You made me hit you…

He only hit me because the kids were making too much noise when he came home from work…

She only slapped me because I wasn’t giving her my undivided attention…

Don’t call the cops, because I can’t pay the rent.

Don’t call her job; I don’t want her to get fired

No one will want me if I leave

No one loves me they way she does

I just want her to be the woman I fell in love with back

The person the victim ‘fell’ in love with never existed.

The “representative” of the person they met gave way to the bottomless pit of terror they now find themselves in now.

A victim of domestic violence will not leave until they are ready.

All anyone can do is be ready to be there when you get the 3am phone call, the Sunday morning after the weekend final beating, the call from the ER, the call from the police, the call from the coroner’s office.

And they will still go back.

And back

And back until

Something inside of them breaks. Not the daily, slow breaking of their spirit; but the breaking of their humanity. The part of their psyche that rises up, in the totally dark reaches of their soul, screams

ENOUGH

NO MORE

NOT ANOTHER SECOND

Until that day comes, no offers of support, no safe passages, no begging, no pleading, no rescues from anyone will matter.

The myth of relationships

Everyone wants to believe that their perfect ‘mate’ is out there, somewhere waiting for them. Who doesn’t want to believe that there is a perfectly compatible person somewhere among the billions of people inhabiting this planet that ‘gets’ them?

We all do.

We all want the fairy-tale. The happy ending. The walking off in the sunset with the person of our dreams.

Then we wake up.
Or we grow up, whichever comes first.

Then there are the fairy tales we grow up with
Cinderella: abused and tortured by family members
Snow white: sexually assaulted while she is sleeping
Aladdin: a runaway meets a thief and liar
Pocahontas: was a 10 years old when she first encountered John Smith. In real life, she was kidnapped and released only when she agreed to marry a settler who becomes ‘interested’ in her. She later was brought to England and subsequently died at 21 before returning to Virginia

These are some of the romantic stories we tell little girls and boys. Is this really what love is supposed to be about? Abuse, sexual assault, being with a criminal but all in the name of “Love?”

I think not.
Let’s not even get into The Brothers Grimm fairytales

but I digress

fairy tales do have their place. To teach us morality lesson to be sure but love? Maybe perhaps, not so much.

So, what do you do when you realize Santa Claus isn’t real? You still buy presents for little kids and nurture their belief and hope into things unseen. You encourage their spirit of generosity, faith and love for all mankind.

You don’t mock them or laugh at them when they are crushed that the fat man in the shopping mall isn’t the real thing.

While I still get a kick out of talking to my younger nieces and nephews about what Santa is bring them for Christmas, I WOULD never, EVER tell them Santa wasn’t real or didn’t exist. I would tell them that Santa lives inside each and every one of us and we should nurture that spirit every single day, not just December 25.

The same thing about love.

You have to nurture love inside of YOU every single day. You have to love yourself first and foremost. You cannot love some else if you don’t know how to love yourself.

You have to know when to walk away. Not everyone you meet it good for you. Not everyone who pays you attention is genuine in that attention. Not everyone who tells you they love you means it. Not everyone you meet has your best interest at heart.
You must be your own best friend, your own confident, your own strength and encouragement. In time, you will begin to surround yourself with people who love you. people who adore you. people who think the world of you and people who only want the best for you.

Love doesn’t make you feel bad. Love doesn’t accuse you of things you haven’t done. Love isn’t the Kardashians, the Real Housewives of whatever, Love and Hip Hop wherever. Love isn’t putting you down to make them look better. Love doesn’t hide you in the background. Love doesn’t divorce you because its not good for its image to the masses. Love doesn’t tell you one thing and someone else something else. That’s not love. never has been.

But that’s what they are tell you what love is.

and i’m going to tell you:

its helping someone with their homework, after they have worked 10 hours that day.

its encouraging someone to live joyously.

its helping your partner with a chronic or life-threatening disease take a shower when they are so tired they can’t do anything but cry.

its helping your partner because you don’t want to be anywhere else but with them.

its falling down laughing at a commercial on TV.

its laughing just as hard at their jokes as the first time you heard them.

its enjoying the silence between you.

Love is the everyday moments and memories.

It has never been about flashy proposals, million dollar engagement rings and weddings. It has never been about having the best looking person on your arm and a monster in your bed.

Love is so many things but its has never been what advertisers, network executives, politicians and those distort love as a weakness to be exploited and profited.

Don’t believe the myth that relationships are filled with conflict, drama and strife, they are not. Don’t believe that you have to have one foot in and the other out to ‘protect’ yourself (you don’t) and definitely don’t believe that men and women aren’t to be trusted in relationship (again not true)

Misery loves company.

Leave misery to its own devices while you create the love YOU want.