She has a ring, now what?

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Sometimes, you have to be petty.

I admit it. I can be pretty petty at times.

No shade to self, but I can be.

Especially when I think certain people are being hypocrites or worse, basic petty.
Ciara and Russell Wilson announced their engagement .

I am wonderfully, deliriously happy for them.

Despite what my friend Yvette says, I do love love.

I just have issues with people who throw the word around like its money at a strip club.

Or cheap airline tickets

Or have to be engaged to every man they are dating. WTH is up with that?

I had begun a different post to address various individuals who had disparaging remarks towards Ciara and Russell’s public vows of celibacy. One writer said that she thinks the whole relationship reeks of bullshit. Another said she’s also being celibate and it gives her hope in her journey.

Are we so jaded by two healthy, vibrant, hard-bodies, sexy individuals decided NOT to have sex in their relationship that we just lose our damn minds?

Both Ciara and Russell are over 18, hell they are over 25. So why are we sitting on the edge of their bed with a big bowl of popcorn talking about “get it girl!!!???”
They are adults. Last I recall. As long as they have no one under the age of 18 in their bed or animals, I do not care.

Repeat.

I do not care.

I think it is absolutely great that they took at stand and said Hey; sex doesn’t HAVE to rule your relationship, because it SHOULD NOT.
Sex is a wonderful, grand, hot, sticky at times, soul- suspending intimate act between two people (or sometimes more) that CHOSE to expression their emotional feelings in physical ways.
AND
How they do that is not really any of our business
UNLESS
We, too, are joining them in the bed.
(Again, that’s another post)
But all the ruckus about this couple ‘lying’ about being celibate, being called stupid for being celibate, etc
It just makes me want say to Russell and Ciara:

Be fruitful, multiple often and be married for 60 years. Just to prove them wrong.

This woman has gone through some really, really tough situations.

My dating/relationship history is bad enough when I have to remember it in my own mind, imagine if your dating history was on the internet, Complete with PICTURES.
I shudder at that thought.

Yet we think it’s perfectly okay for to tell them they SHOULD be having sex.
Because why?

Because they have nice bodies?

Because WE would be screwing like rabbits if WE had bodies and money and access like that?

Well, sometimes, everything that glitters isn’t gold.

I think it’s great that they found each other. I think it’s going to eat her son’s father Future alive that she is getting married to Russell. (All the shade that is possible I send his way)

That woman has put up with more than enough bullshit from men. 3 of her ex’s have baby mommas who put all sorts of business out in the streets about these guys. I will admit that when I saw the picture of her and Future, my first thought was:

“She doesn’t have any real woman friends surrounding her or he’s got a great head game.”

Crass I know

As sure as I know my birth name, I knew Ciara and Future would never marry. Why?

“Don’t mistake activity with achievement.” John Wooden

Future has proven he can make children. He didn’t prove he had successful relationships with his partners in creating them.

Add this whole debacle with Future being pissy about the breakup (yea I said pissy) and about Russell Wilson being around their child and I’m pretty confident in saying she dodged a bullet with that relationship. Co-parenting with this guy, again, WHOLE ANOTHER post (coming soon)

The best thing you can do for your current relationship (or future one- no pun intended) is to be your best self. That means taking the time to get to know yourself and the person(s) you are involved with. It means making decisions that are the right decisions for YOUR relationship, not what others THINK are the right decisions for your relationship, and that includes having sex.

So congratulations to the lovely couple. May they have the life together that they both truly prayed for.

at some point you have to accept the fact

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Jinks Jones

I am a writer and educator. My passion is making things better than they were before I got there. I want a world where frank conversations about sex and sexuality are not minimized, avoided or just outright banned. I want have a world where women and men are treated equally. A world where no girl under age of 18 has a child unless SHE is fully capable of having one (mentally, emotionally, financially and physically). I want a world where boys under the age of 18 understand that using devaluing girls and young women for their own sexual pleasure not only degrades the person they are with but also themselves. I want a world where people stop having "Oops babies". I want a world where a women isn't disemboweled because she called out her ex's name during sex. I want a world where a woman doesn't lie about physical abuse as punishment in child custody cases. I want a world where a transwoman can walk in public with her partner and he's not ridiculed by his family, friends or society at large. I want a world where a man is viewed as being just as capable as raising a child as any woman. I want young people to learn how to make healthy life-affirming decisions regarding love, sex and romantic relationships for a lifetime, not just one time. I want a world where women and men don't come to the table in a relationship with their sex organs and think its the only thing of value they have to offer. I want a world where people view each other as individuals, not as potential victims. I want a world where healthy relationships are the rule, not the exception. I want a world where being kinky is perfectly okay. I want a world where you can go to your grandmother on advice for buying a new sex toy. Oh and I want to have a good time wherever I go!