Posted in Love relationships Sex, Love and Relationships

The myth of relationships

The myth of relationships Posted on April 19, 2016

I am a writer and educator. My passion is making things better than they were before I got there. I want a world where frank conversations about sex and sexuality are not minimized, avoided or just outright banned. I want have a world where women and men are treated equally. A world where no girl under age of 18 has a child unless SHE is fully capable of having one (mentally, emotionally, financially and physically). I want a world where boys under the age of 18 understand that using devaluing girls and young women for their own sexual pleasure not only degrades the person they are with but also themselves. I want a world where people stop having "Oops babies". I want a world where a women isn't disemboweled because she called out her ex's name during sex. I want a world where a woman doesn't lie about physical abuse as punishment in child custody cases. I want a world where a transwoman can walk in public with her partner and he's not ridiculed by his family, friends or society at large. I want a world where a man is viewed as being just as capable as raising a child as any woman. I want young people to learn how to make healthy life-affirming decisions regarding love, sex and romantic relationships for a lifetime, not just one time. I want a world where women and men don't come to the table in a relationship with their sex organs and think its the only thing of value they have to offer. I want a world where people view each other as individuals, not as potential victims. I want a world where healthy relationships are the rule, not the exception. I want a world where being kinky is perfectly okay. I want a world where you can go to your grandmother on advice for buying a new sex toy. Oh and I want to have a good time wherever I go!

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Everyone wants to believe that their perfect ‘mate’ is out there, somewhere waiting for them. Who doesn’t want to believe that there is a perfectly compatible person somewhere among the billions of people inhabiting this planet that ‘gets’ them?

We all do.

We all want the fairy-tale. The happy ending. The walking off in the sunset with the person of our dreams.

Then we wake up.
Or we grow up, whichever comes first.

Then there are the fairy tales we grow up with
Cinderella: abused and tortured by family members
Snow white: sexually assaulted while she is sleeping
Aladdin: a runaway meets a thief and liar
Pocahontas: was a 10 years old when she first encountered John Smith. In real life, she was kidnapped and released only when she agreed to marry a settler who becomes ‘interested’ in her. She later was brought to England and subsequently died at 21 before returning to Virginia

These are some of the romantic stories we tell little girls and boys. Is this really what love is supposed to be about? Abuse, sexual assault, being with a criminal but all in the name of “Love?”

I think not.
Let’s not even get into The Brothers Grimm fairytales

but I digress

fairy tales do have their place. To teach us morality lesson to be sure but love? Maybe perhaps, not so much.

So, what do you do when you realize Santa Claus isn’t real? You still buy presents for little kids and nurture their belief and hope into things unseen. You encourage their spirit of generosity, faith and love for all mankind.

You don’t mock them or laugh at them when they are crushed that the fat man in the shopping mall isn’t the real thing.

While I still get a kick out of talking to my younger nieces and nephews about what Santa is bring them for Christmas, I WOULD never, EVER tell them Santa wasn’t real or didn’t exist. I would tell them that Santa lives inside each and every one of us and we should nurture that spirit every single day, not just December 25.

The same thing about love.

You have to nurture love inside of YOU every single day. You have to love yourself first and foremost. You cannot love some else if you don’t know how to love yourself.

You have to know when to walk away. Not everyone you meet it good for you. Not everyone who pays you attention is genuine in that attention. Not everyone who tells you they love you means it. Not everyone you meet has your best interest at heart.
You must be your own best friend, your own confident, your own strength and encouragement. In time, you will begin to surround yourself with people who love you. people who adore you. people who think the world of you and people who only want the best for you.

Love doesn’t make you feel bad. Love doesn’t accuse you of things you haven’t done. Love isn’t the Kardashians, the Real Housewives of whatever, Love and Hip Hop wherever. Love isn’t putting you down to make them look better. Love doesn’t hide you in the background. Love doesn’t divorce you because its not good for its image to the masses. Love doesn’t tell you one thing and someone else something else. That’s not love. never has been.

But that’s what they are tell you what love is.

and i’m going to tell you:

its helping someone with their homework, after they have worked 10 hours that day.

its encouraging someone to live joyously.

its helping your partner with a chronic or life-threatening disease take a shower when they are so tired they can’t do anything but cry.

its helping your partner because you don’t want to be anywhere else but with them.

its falling down laughing at a commercial on TV.

its laughing just as hard at their jokes as the first time you heard them.

its enjoying the silence between you.

Love is the everyday moments and memories.

It has never been about flashy proposals, million dollar engagement rings and weddings. It has never been about having the best looking person on your arm and a monster in your bed.

Love is so many things but its has never been what advertisers, network executives, politicians and those distort love as a weakness to be exploited and profited.

Don’t believe the myth that relationships are filled with conflict, drama and strife, they are not. Don’t believe that you have to have one foot in and the other out to ‘protect’ yourself (you don’t) and definitely don’t believe that men and women aren’t to be trusted in relationship (again not true)

Misery loves company.

Leave misery to its own devices while you create the love YOU want.

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I am a writer and educator. My passion is making things better than they were before I got there. I want a world where frank conversations about sex and sexuality are not minimized, avoided or just outright banned. I want have a world where women and men are treated equally. A world where no girl under age of 18 has a child unless SHE is fully capable of having one (mentally, emotionally, financially and physically). I want a world where boys under the age of 18 understand that using devaluing girls and young women for their own sexual pleasure not only degrades the person they are with but also themselves. I want a world where people stop having "Oops babies". I want a world where a women isn't disemboweled because she called out her ex's name during sex. I want a world where a woman doesn't lie about physical abuse as punishment in child custody cases. I want a world where a transwoman can walk in public with her partner and he's not ridiculed by his family, friends or society at large. I want a world where a man is viewed as being just as capable as raising a child as any woman. I want young people to learn how to make healthy life-affirming decisions regarding love, sex and romantic relationships for a lifetime, not just one time. I want a world where women and men don't come to the table in a relationship with their sex organs and think its the only thing of value they have to offer. I want a world where people view each other as individuals, not as potential victims. I want a world where healthy relationships are the rule, not the exception. I want a world where being kinky is perfectly okay. I want a world where you can go to your grandmother on advice for buying a new sex toy. Oh and I want to have a good time wherever I go!

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