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Usher and the Confession conversation

Usher and the Confession conversation Posted on July 24, 2017

I am a writer and educator. My passion is making things better than they were before I got there. I want a world where frank conversations about sex and sexuality are not minimized, avoided or just outright banned. I want have a world where women and men are treated equally. A world where no girl under age of 18 has a child unless SHE is fully capable of having one (mentally, emotionally, financially and physically). I want a world where boys under the age of 18 understand that using devaluing girls and young women for their own sexual pleasure not only degrades the person they are with but also themselves. I want a world where people stop having "Oops babies". I want a world where a women isn't disemboweled because she called out her ex's name during sex. I want a world where a woman doesn't lie about physical abuse as punishment in child custody cases. I want a world where a transwoman can walk in public with her partner and he's not ridiculed by his family, friends or society at large. I want a world where a man is viewed as being just as capable as raising a child as any woman. I want young people to learn how to make healthy life-affirming decisions regarding love, sex and romantic relationships for a lifetime, not just one time. I want a world where women and men don't come to the table in a relationship with their sex organs and think its the only thing of value they have to offer. I want a world where people view each other as individuals, not as potential victims. I want a world where healthy relationships are the rule, not the exception. I want a world where being kinky is perfectly okay. I want a world where you can go to your grandmother on advice for buying a new sex toy. Oh and I want to have a good time wherever I go!

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Black twitter has roasted User Raymond for filth this past week. It would seem that Mr. Raymond had unprotected sex with a woman (allegedly) and gave him the gift that keeps on giving- Herpes. Despite him alluding to a ‘green discharge’ from his penis, and saying he would see a doctor and everything was ‘fine, said unknown woman had sexual relations with Usher (unprotected).

After some time she developed symptoms, went to the local urgent care where she was diagnosed with Herpes. Afterwards she informed her partner (Mr. Raymond) who apologize, said he would take care of ‘it’. He paid her medical bills. In a subsequent speaker phone call with her mother present, Usher and his doctor admitted her had herpes.

Wow.

It gets a bit tricky because now it was learned that said woman was a member of his wedding party of his first marriage. This same bridesmaid was accused by his first wife of having sex with Usher while they were married

Ouch.

I remember hearing and reading about the ‘alleged’ affair as the marriage imploded. Everyone ‘assumed’ that his first wife Tameka Foster was making these allegations because she was angry about the marriage ending. Perhaps not as the gossip sites have reported that the woman in question is in fact, the bridesmaid from the wedding. And now word is out that a SECOND woman, represented by Lisa Bloom, is alleging he exposed her and other women to herpes THIS YEAR.

Double ouch.

Oh and Usher isn’t the only celebrity to be accused of passing someone a disease. Jim Carrey and Robin Williams and Michael Vick also have been sued for alleging not disclosing they had a STI/STD.

Then there are those who have said all sorts of stuff about how you can catch it. Why not just go to the source of accurate and reliable information, the CDC?

What is more important, getting the facts or assessing blame?

EDUCATION is EVERYTHING

You have to education yourself. You can’t ASSUME anyone is STI/STD disease-free by looking at someone, their personality, their lifestyle, etc. The only way you will know if someone is STD/STI free is TESTING.

YOU SHOULD BOTH go to the clinic TOGETHER and get tested TOGETHER.

Don’t know where? Check here

FYI, a STD/STI diagnosis DOES NOT mean your life is over. Many people have relationships and yes even MARRY with herpes and other STD/STI

I realize that it’s hard for someone who has a STI/STD to accept the diagnosis let alone have the conversation with a sex partner.

Let’s be honest, how many of us RIGHT NOW can you look in the mirror or and tell the person you are having sex with RIGHT NOW that you have Herpes or any other STD/STI

I’ll wait.

One of the conversation I think we SHOULD be having is how to honestly and EFFECTIVELY have healthy relationship with one another.

There are ways to express yourself outside of sex.

I also realize that too many people are not healthy sexually and otherwise.

Sex is not a game. Sex can’t make your past go away. Sex can only make you feel better for a little while. Sex won’t change someone’s opinion of you, Sex won’t grant you peace, Sex won’t make your life better (really, it won’t). It can make you famous (ask Kim K.) but really, unlike Kim K. not many have been able to make it into a multi-million dollar business. (Outside of porn, but that’s another topic for another day)

Sex isn’t meant for all of that. It’s meant to be a special connect between two individuals. It’s about intimacy, being intimate and sharing with someone (which does not have to include penetration), It’s not meant to bring drama to someone’s life. Too many of us are using sex as a weapon, a come-up, a distraction, a place to stay, a place to live, sexual commerce (sex work), employment, etc.

Most clinic have sex educators and counselors who will explain your results to you and help you process your results (good or bad). They aren’t going to judge you. They aren’t going to blame you. They are going to help you get through your results in the most empathic and professional way possible.

If you can’t find any place in your STD/STI training, please go to Planned Parenthood in your area.

Usher has the financial resources for the most up-to-date treatment. Unfortunately, it’s also a magnet for those who want to open his wallet. The average person isn’t necessarily going to be sued for exposing someone to an STD/STI BUT criminal charges are another matter. If you have a STD/STI and are unsure whether or not you SHOULD or are LEGALLY REQUIRED to disclose your status, contact a criminal defense attorney BEFORE you HAVE SEX. Laws differ from states to states whether or not you are legally required to disclose.

Oh, and not disclosing can cause you some problems also, this and this are examples of what unfortunately has happened when someone didn’t disclose their status. While not everyone will go to this extreme when they find out they may have been exposed to an STI, honestly you don’t know.

The best thing to come out of this Usher/Herpes conversation is that now people are starting to talk about SAFE SEX. People are talking about how to protect themselves, people are talking about testing and actively seeking information AND even better, GETTING tested.

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I am a writer and educator. My passion is making things better than they were before I got there. I want a world where frank conversations about sex and sexuality are not minimized, avoided or just outright banned. I want have a world where women and men are treated equally. A world where no girl under age of 18 has a child unless SHE is fully capable of having one (mentally, emotionally, financially and physically). I want a world where boys under the age of 18 understand that using devaluing girls and young women for their own sexual pleasure not only degrades the person they are with but also themselves. I want a world where people stop having "Oops babies". I want a world where a women isn't disemboweled because she called out her ex's name during sex. I want a world where a woman doesn't lie about physical abuse as punishment in child custody cases. I want a world where a transwoman can walk in public with her partner and he's not ridiculed by his family, friends or society at large. I want a world where a man is viewed as being just as capable as raising a child as any woman. I want young people to learn how to make healthy life-affirming decisions regarding love, sex and romantic relationships for a lifetime, not just one time. I want a world where women and men don't come to the table in a relationship with their sex organs and think its the only thing of value they have to offer. I want a world where people view each other as individuals, not as potential victims. I want a world where healthy relationships are the rule, not the exception. I want a world where being kinky is perfectly okay. I want a world where you can go to your grandmother on advice for buying a new sex toy. Oh and I want to have a good time wherever I go!

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